Life is never as simple as it looks

I sold out..........and not even to the highest bidder..........I played it safe.........when I really had nothing to loose.........what does it say about me?
I've always told myself I have lots of courage........but when push comes to shove........I'd rather have something than have nothing at all......and what is it that I have?
Nothing at all.......maybe I'd feel like worse shit if I had nothing........but its quite a shabby place that I am in now........

I am so lucky.......I am better off AND I have accepted something that all along I said I would never accept.........
I am not ungrateful......I'd be crazy to say that I havnt seen the struggle......I know its hard but I want something more........
I've been looking at a lot of wedding photo's lately. Strangers weddings online.......some photos fabulous, some funny, some really sweet and simple.And then I get it..........I'm searching for happiness...........I'm drawn to those photos of the lovely brides because for that one day in their lives there is pure unadulterated happiness and it shows............It's really that simple, but not as simple as I think